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 Michelle Dubois - Student (FIXED)

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Seychelles

Seychelles

Posts : 14
Join date : 2011-07-28
Age : 22

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PostSubject: Michelle Dubois - Student (FIXED)   Michelle Dubois - Student (FIXED) Icon_minitimeFri Aug 05, 2011 12:03 am

~ T H E C H A R A C T E R ~

Michelle Dubois - Student (FIXED) 61662412

Full name: Michelle Dubois
Age: Seventeen
Hometown: La Rivière Anglaise, Seychelles

Creature: Naiad (River Nymph)
Favourite Subject: Philosophy
Extra Details: Nature is her Cavalier Servente and she loves it deeply.

Physical description:
Michelle's height is average, fitting her just right. Her skin is rich and dark, accencutating natural "glow", her eyes almond-shaped and colored with a tint of green. Her hair is a soft black, entwined into two pigtails by red ribbon. She is known for her beauty, which she is troubled by and considers a great annoyance. She is rarely found without some sort of dress or skirt and travels barefoot. As a nymph, she looks no different than her "human" form; with an exception of rough scaly hands.

Biology: What's the creature like?
These lovely ladies are the sparkly Hydriads of running waters, babbling brooks, silvery streams and rippling rivers.
Being spirits of individual streams, they tend to be loyal to their locality, and often seem to end up marrying or otherwise dallying with the local king or hero. They are also on hand to rescue maidens in distress; some of them used to be maidens in distress themselves. They take a very dim view of water pollution. Take your rubbish home with you or face the consequences!
As guardians of nature, they protect the ecology of the countryside. And let's face it, Gaia needs all the help she can get. But they still find time to frolic. Although, like angels, they are spiritual beings somewhat below Godly status, the Nymphs are not immortal. They just live for a very long time. A Tree Nymph lives as long as her tree, and a River Nymph likewise.

Personality/Habits:
Michelle tends have a warm heart and friendly attitude, but is more clumsy than anything. Somehow she'll manage to mess things up, whether accidentally destroying school property, or spilling your breakfast on the floor; she really does try to be helpful. If she does make a mistake (often), she won't hesitate the chance to make up for it. However, Michelle holds quite a temper, and when provoked, unleashes a fit you won't forget.

History:
Born in a small town in Africa, the women there seemed content raising a small child. The child was beautiful, looking like a little cherub. The woman was glad she had born such a beautiful child, although the father did not like the child. They knew right away, that their daughter was special. During an hour of acidic rain, the little girl weakened. Her connection with water made no difference to the parents. These memories were trying to watch a TV back in the fifties, every time they come to Michelle she gets a bad headache, whispering an oath about them. But the memories of the littlle girl were too far in between for her really to pick up on. Her father and mother cherished her, treating her with the up most care, then on the eve of her tenth birthday their house had been raided. The small girl's parents had been killed with out mercy. From that point on everything went back into that horrible hiss, of not being able to remember a single thing that happened to her.
Michelle contacted the Zodiac School supervisors months later, hoping she could stay hidden, or at least remove her burdens of being...different.

Other Information: She has a dislike of superficiality.

Role Play Sample:

(Post from an old forum. ^^)

Seychelles combed her black hair into two plaits and tried to remember what day it was. "It's Wednesday. I think." Her hands still felt raw from yesterday's scrubbing her boat free of grime and barnacles that accumulated when she had nobody around to impress. Today was humid and bright, she knew without even opening a window, and Papa would visit.

Not Papa, dummy, she corrected herself as she stretched until her spine crackled, standing on one skinny foot. She hardly ever thought of him as "Papa" now that she'd become too old to run small and careless under the palms, wearing nothing but the red ribbons in her hair. The ribbons disintegrated under the effects of sun and saltwater, but the girl obviously did not. Now she left her still-dark room and wobbled sleepily to the kitchen for a plate of microwaveable breakfast.

Seychelles made a noble effort to wake up properly as she slid into a chair, mentally scolding herself for her laziness. She pok-poked the gingham-print lid of a jam jar in and out and watched a string of ants marching out of the clay flower pot on the counter. Her face cleared as she felt her brain shift into focus. France was probably wandering the shore by now, leering at civilians. Once when he came to visit he climbed onto the balcony and scared her very badly when she opened the door. Sometimes seeing France leave was just as welcome as seeing him arrive. Sometimes just seeing him in the first place suited her fine enough.

The microwave reached the end of its timer and beeped piercingly, but the only answer was the bounce of the screen door. The villa was empty. A little girl darted through the streets below and disappeared in a flutter of blue skirts, too fast for any agents to follow.

Seychelles skidded to a halt at the edge of the tree line and caught her breath, her heels scattering sand. The wind rattled the palms jutting out at bizarre angles over the shore, and before she could stop herself she called out gladly, "Monsieur Bonnefoy!"
[/size][/font]

[center]~ O O C I N F O R M A T I O N ~


Your name: Aida
Age: Sixteen
Time-zone: Central Europe Daylight Time
Email/AIM/MSN/Etc: aidamaia@ymail.com
Did you read the rules?: White Blouse
Anything else you want to add: I apologize in advance. Really. I'm sorry.


Last edited by Michelle Dubois on Mon Aug 08, 2011 4:02 pm; edited 2 times in total
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http://inkseascape@gmail.com
Félicité Canella

Félicité Canella

Posts : 81
Join date : 2011-01-19

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PostSubject: Re: Michelle Dubois - Student (FIXED)   Michelle Dubois - Student (FIXED) Icon_minitimeSun Aug 07, 2011 10:47 am

Why hello there, Miss Aida-Michelle! Congratulations on finishing your application, you should give yourself some credit, it was far from terrible. In fact, I quite enjoyed it. {Have you noticed how all the Francophones are creatures associated with water on some level? It's rather neat.} The bit about acid rain having a negative effect on her and the scaly hands whilst in her human form were near genius. However, there is a bit of fine-tuning you need to do before we can accept you, dear.

Small List of Improvements:
- As absolutely stunning as your picture and signature are, may you please make them smaller? It helps with the flow of the forum to keep everything from being too large.
- "...her height being the lesser of a young woman" I do understand what you are trying to convey, I really do but it would be nice if you used clearer language in describing her petite form. However, it canon she seems average height for a young woman.
- The bit about the pale skin can only be expressed through this clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXovJSCc6M0 yes she is a bit pale in her appearance in the Gakuen Hetalia video game but she IS from Africa. Let her have her gorgeous dark skin <3
- Flesh out the personality! Have fun describing what makes her tick!
- "the woman there": That must be a little town if there's only one woman....okay, maybe it was mean to pick on you like that, dear. Just remember "woman" is singular but "women"= plural.
- The history. It starts out great but it gets a bit choppy. Just work on a nice, smooth transition.
- "littlle"> little, "old fashion umbrella" > old fashioned umbrella, "old times Japanese" >older Japanese-style, "Under the deep unseen water. It was a dark deed for a Naiad, but such unforgiving actions had consequences"> a bit awkwardly phrased
- Watch out for your random capitals, honey!
- "Hates being liked only for her beauty" is accidentally quite 'Sue-ish'. Why not phrase it as 'She has a dislike of superficiality" ?
- Can you state that your lovely RP sample doesn't have to do with the forum? Some people created samples specifically for here, others took them from their posts on other sites. It's just nice to have it stated at the top of it 'from another forum' or something to that effect.

Please edit your application and correct the said things listed above! When you have done that, we'll review it once more. Hopefully, we'll get to play with you soon!

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Michelle Dubois - Student (FIXED) Vfj-1
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Arthur Kirkland

Arthur Kirkland

Posts : 70
Join date : 2010-12-09
Age : 25
Location : The Zodiac School

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PostSubject: Re: Michelle Dubois - Student (FIXED)   Michelle Dubois - Student (FIXED) Icon_minitimeTue Aug 09, 2011 10:39 am

Much better. Miss Dubois, you are accepted.

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Michelle Dubois - Student (FIXED) Zodiac11
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PostSubject: Re: Michelle Dubois - Student (FIXED)   Michelle Dubois - Student (FIXED) Icon_minitime

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